I've always been afraid to write in pen.
The risk of regretting my words and wishing I could undo something was too great. So pencils were my constant writing companion, always offering an eraser and a clean slate when I felt like I needed a redo.
Today, I wrote in pen.
For so many years, I've avoided risk, I've avoided permanency, I've avoided anything unerasable, because I was afraid of pain, of immobility, of mistakes. But specifically, in the last few months, I've thrown my fears out the window and taken the leap anyway. And you know what I found? That my fears were legitimate - that risks are painful, that dedication is focused, that mistakes are undoable. But you know what else I found?
Freedom. True freedom.
For every loss I've experienced the last few months, there has been a greater gain, one that has blessed me immensely and open doors that would have been sealed shut had I decided to live comfortably- safe, yet asleep.
Dreams are for sleeping, and for many years, I was content to stay in my little dream world, dozing away and wondering what it would be like to have adventures, to wake up, to live.
Dreaming is comfortable. But living and experiencing? It's hard. It's work. It's painful.
And it's so worth it.
